Video pirates beware!

By Dennis Hartley

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Just because Blockbuster and Hollywood Video are kaput, don’t think that you are off the hook. You scofflaws know who you are:

A North Carolina man faces a court date after a bizarre arrest for not returning a 15-year-old VHS rental, but he may receive a little help from the movie’s star.

James Meyers said he was pulled over on Tuesday morning for a broken taillight, but later learned that there was a warrant out for his arrest because he had not returned a copy of “Freddy Got Fingered” he rented in late 2001.

The 37-year-old single dad told the Daily News that cops allowed him to continue driving his daughter to school, but was later handcuffed and taken into custody when he met up with police that afternoon.

Luckily for him, this lawless ne’er-do-well has a guardian angel:

[Tom] Green, who is currently on a stand-up comedy tour in Australia, told the Daily News that he is happy to support fans of his film, which was the subject of terrible reviews and currently has an 11% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

The 44-year-old comedian, who said that Rotten Tomatoes is “in the business of hating on art,” said that he could put in a good word with the court or even help out financially as long as the outcome doesn’t involve an outrageous sum.

Goddam movie critics. Always hating on art. Insufferable snobs.

Apparently, this has happened before, back in 2014:

Kayla Finley, 27, had visited a police station to report a crime, only to find a warrant for her arrest had been issued in 2005, when she was 18.

Ms Finley had rented a VHS copy of romantic comedy Monster In Law, starring Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda.

According to local television station Fox Carolina, Ms Finley was “shocked and disgusted” at the arrest.

Police said several warning letters about the overdue video were sent to Ms Finley, but she had since changed address.

[…]

Monster In Law, released in 2005 and directed by Robert Luketic, was mostly panned by critics.

So there are 3 lessons we have learned today:

  1.  If the technology is obsolete, it’s probably overdue.
  2.  Critics are always hating on art.
  3.  Freddy Got Fingered  and Monster In Law are obviously art.

Class dismissed.

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