By Dennis Hartley
I know. There’s one in every crowd. I guess I’m “it”. Enough with the forced smiles, the holiday “cheer”, and people fighting at the mall. Herewith is my mixtape for those who can’t wait ’til it’s over…
- Blue Xmas – Bob Dorough w/ the Miles Davis Sextet
The hippest “Bah, humbug!” of all time. “Gimme gimme gimme…”
2. Green Christmas – Stan Freberg
Classic bit from an ace satirist. Yeah, he’s talking to you, Don Draper!
3. The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot – Nat King Cole
Most depressing Xmas tune ever? So much for chestnuts roasting…
4. 7 o’clock News/Silent Night – Simon & Garfunkel
Leave it to some commie lib’rul folk singers to ruin everyone’s Xmas.
5. A Christmas Song – Jethro Tull
Ian Anderson gets drunk with Santa; decries the commercialization.
6. Even Santa Gets the Blues – Marty Stuart
Santa could probably use a shot of Wild Turkey with those cookies…
7. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer – Elmo & Patsy
We prefer not to talk about “the Christmas incident” in our family.
8. I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas – Yogi Yorgesson
I’ve heard this song a million times…and it still puts me in hysterics.
9. Santa Stole My Lady – Fitz and the Tantrums
That fat, cuckolding elf bastard. Make it a double, barkeep…
10. Fuck Christmas – Eric Idle
You thought I forgot this one! Make sure the kids are out of earshot.