By Dennis Hartley

I know. There’s one in every crowd. I guess I’m “it”. Enough with the forced smiles, the holiday “cheer”, and people fighting at the mall. Herewith is my mixtape for those who can’t wait ’til it’s over…

1.  Blue Xmas – Bob Dorough w/ the Miles Davis Sextet

The hippest “Bah, humbug!” of all time. “Gimme gimme gimme…”

2. Green Christmas – Stan Freberg

Classic bit from an ace satirist. Yeah, he’s talking to you, Don Draper!

3. The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot – Nat King Cole

Most depressing Xmas tune ever? So much for chestnuts roasting…

4. 7 o’clock News/Silent Night – Simon & Garfunkel

Leave it to some commie lib’rul folk singers to ruin everyone’s Xmas.

5. A Christmas Song – Jethro Tull

Ian Anderson gets drunk with Santa; decries the commercialization.

6.  Even Santa Gets the Blues – Marty Stuart

Santa could probably use a shot of Wild Turkey with those cookies…

7.  Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer – Elmo & Patsy

We prefer not to talk about “the Christmas incident” in our family.

8.  I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas – Yogi Yorgesson

I’ve heard this song a million times…and it still puts me in hysterics.

9. Santa Stole My Lady – Fitz and the Tantrums

That fat, cuckolding elf bastard. Make it a double, barkeep…

10.  Fuck Christmas – Eric Idle

You thought I forgot this one! Make sure the kids are out of earshot.

Cheers!